Who Will Control the Relationship?
Who will control the relationship?
When you meet someone and start a relationship with them, it is decided very quickly who is going to be the dominant one and who is going to be the submissive one. As you become more accustomed to being in control, you will end up being in control more of the time. You’ll start using the voice tone, body language, and gestures of someone who is in control, is used to being in control, and who is confident being in control. This happens mainly on an unconscious level.
Consider this passage from “Lew Burke’s Dog Training”. The trick here, though, is that it has been modified to apply to humans. Only the word ‘person’ or ‘human’ has been changed out for the word ‘dog’ or ‘canine’ for the most part.
How the human sees itself within the family (instead of “How the dog sees it self within the pack”, for example.) Before starting to teach any human, a teacher should be familiar with how a person thinks. In it’s natural habitat, the wild, the human belongs to a group. If he is not the pack leader, he fits somewhere within the hierarchy of the group. If he does not obey the laws of the group, the leader will make certain that he complies. If the leader is not successful, a new group leader will be born. When we take a human into our homes, as far as he is concerned, he belongs to a group. No human ever turns on his master. Instead, he challenges for leadership. Therefore, if you’re going to be the group leader, you must have a way of maintaining control as far as the human is concerned. You must be able to establish definite rules and regulations which the human as a group member can never deviate from. If you are successful in enforcing your rules 99% of the time you are not the genuine group leader. The 99% control will slip to 95% and then to 90%. Eventually, if the human has a drive toward achieving group leadership he might eventually challenge.
This is obviously an extreme, but have you ever known a guy who had 99% slip to 95% slip to 90% and then eventually she took half, the kids, and the house and completely ran his life? Many of us know guys who this has happened to. Again, this is an extreme case meant as an illustration. To bring it close to home: Ever get into a relationship with a woman where in the beginning you felt totally in control and over time the control felt like it slipped through your fingers and at the same time the relationship got very bad? If I asked you about it, you probably wouldn’t say that you allowed it to happen, but that it pretty much just happened on its own. You were just trying to please her and make her life better and things kept getting worse. One of your jobs as the leader is to keep her in line. Not in any condescending type of way. Not in a mean way. Not in an abusive way. The idea is that women feel safe around a man who is in control and who can put is foot down if she gets out of line, and she feels safe around a man who will put her in her place. She does not feel safe around a man who she can walk over. Just calmly tell her that whatever she is doing isn’t part of the plan and she knows it and to knock it off. She should get the idea and she’ll love you for it.
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